Catching up in Quebec

We had a chance to spend two days with a college roommate of Dan's and his family. Sam and Dawn currently live in Quebec with their three kids as the family learns French. They plan to live in Congo (DRC) and fly with an organization called MAF.
We had a fun time tubing, eating, laughing and watching the three oldest ones run around. Our Caleb and their Charlie sat and stared at each other.
The photos try to capture a bit of our time.

A Sermon on Missions

I (Dan) preached at Exeter UMC in Exeter, NH a couple of weeks ago, and I thought I would post that sermon to the blog...so, here it is:

Missions, simply put, is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God.
Proclaiming the Kingdom is bringing the light of the life of Christ – of hope, of joy, of peace, of grace, of forgiveness (for yourself and for others)…
Sadly, missions has been seen in negative light at times. Some missionaries and some mission agencies have been viewed as paternalistic or imperialistic, which is basically the world’s way of proclaiming kingdom The World proclaims kingdoms in conquest – by taking and forced submission of others. Yet Jesus proclaims Kingdom in giving – hope, light, … life!
Missions is proclaiming the Kingdom – not in conquest, but in healing, love, and spiritual restoration and formation.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God. The Good News is that God has been working for restoration of creation since Eden.
God chose Israel to proclaim the hope and prepare the way for the restoration. God made provision for this restoration through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus the Christ. God has commissioned the Church – the Body of Christ in this World – Christians – to proclaim this message of hope, healing, reconciliation, restoration and peace.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God, and missions is not the job of one person or a handful of select individuals. Each of us is called to proclaim the Kingdom. All of us are called to mission. I want to look at how Jesus calls the fishermen as ways in which Jesus calls each of us into missions.

You may think, “I don’t know anything about missions.” But my questions for you are, “What do you know about being a friend? Do you know about listening, caring, loving, forgiving, challenging in love? Do you desire to see or bring health, justice, wholeness to this world – to bring Shalom to Creation? Do you ever watch the news, read the paper, drive by a homeless person and get a bit upset inside thinking, “something isn’t right – there must be a better way…?” If yes, then you know something about mission!

What did the fishermen know about the kingdom, about theology, about missions, about Jesus before they left their nets? In their minds ZILCH.
Jesus calls these fishermen and tells them that they will fish for people. They will use their skills, gifts, and trade for kingdom work.

The fishermen did not hold any position or have any power in the society in Jesus’ day. Caesar would not have called them to serve on his protective detail, and the Jewish leaders would not have chosen them to bring about revival and restoration among the people.

The fishermen were ordinary – like you and me. Obama or congress will not call any of us asking, “Will you fix our deficit… How does healthcare affect you… etc.?” Yet that is the wonder of God and God’s kingdom. God chooses each of us to follow Him and to proclaim the kingdom in our current setting and wherever tomorrow’s setting may be.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God, and missions happens everywhere because the Kingdom of God is open to everyone, everywhere.
We can do this in little ways everyday… How we talk to our kids, our spouse, our boss, the store clerk?
We may wonder why we are where we are – job, neighborhood, family, etc… - we may not always like it, appreciate it, or understand it, yet we have to remind ourselves, “Maybe I’m called to share and live life here…”
We don’t know who else God is using in the lives of those around us – we don’t always need to know. We live faithfully to proclaim the truth and hope we have, because Jesus has made a difference in our lives – because we have experienced God’s faithfulness and love.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God, and it is the role of each Christian.
You may have objections: “God can’t use me.” Or “God can’t use me like James or John or my pastor.” Maybe not, but James and John and your pastor don’t have the same relationships with people that you do. As we learn about the disciples we realize that they spanned the strata of society – to reach each person in every place.

In order to Proclaim the Kingdom we need to allow God to transform us by the renewing of our minds. We need to stop seeing the limitations of why we can’t serve and start seeing the possibilities of how we can serve.

The tasks within missions vary from person to person, because each person has a unique way to serve God and God’s kingdom. One may write the letter, one may pack the box of clothes, one may carry the box of clothes and deliver it, yet all are in mission together. It’s similar to a Nascar team. When I first heard of Nascar, I thought it was just the driver who was important. I had to learn that Nascar is bigger than the driver – and it’s not just the sponsors, either. You have wheel men and fuel men and guys who watch the computer to decide what tire to put on the next time the car stops in the pits – and you have the guy that holds the stop sign in the pits. All are important, because without just one of those people the driver won’t win.

We know from reading the Gospels that Jesus calls people from all walks of life to follow him. He didn’t tell all them to become fishers of men, but he calls all of them to “Repent” – to turn back to God and allow God to be first in all they do – so that as redeemed people they can serve the kingdom everywhere they go and in everything they do. Not all disciples went to all places, neither do all missionaries go to all places. Rather, each blooms where they are planted – and in some cases re-planted. Missions is the role of all Christians, with each of us serving where we feel God guiding our hearts to serve.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God.
Matthew says that Jesus taught in their synagogues and proclaimed the Good News of the Kingdom by healing every kind of disease and every kind of sickness AMONG the people.
We know that we need God, and maybe that is why we are here in church. Yet all people including our co-workers, our neighbors, our friends, our family members, our teachers, our grocery clerks, the grandkids’ friends and their parents (the list goes on) all need to know God in a tangible way.

Missions is bringing stories of the doctor and sometimes the doctor herself/himself to those who are sick. Sometimes we can bring them back to the clinic, and sometimes we need to bring the clinic to them. Sometimes it means going down the street. Sometimes it means going around the world. And because we are family – a global body – we can serve around the world, even if we don’t “go”. We can pray, write a letter, or send a care package to a missionary. Sometimes it means providing food, lodging, encouragement, or other resources for those coming and going.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God, and that proclamation is Light into Darkness. In our words? Yes. In our works? YES!
Proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom can look like connecting to a missionary or a project in an area that fulfills a deep longing in your heart. You may say, “There is no orphanage in Exeter…” That’s okay, there are thousands around the world. Or you may say, “There is an orphanage in Exeter…” Great! Help them, and then find a missionary working with orphans and see if you can connect them with each other.

Notice that Jesus didn’t say, “Follow me and I will make you a priest, a Sadducee, a tax-collector, a missionary, a deacon, a…” Jesus invited Peter, Andrew, James, and John into a journey with what they knew – with what they had. Jesus would teach, train, and equip them along the way. If Jesus told them on the shore of Galilee that morning, “Follow me, and I will make you speak before thousands, have you heal people, have you appear before government officials, and, ultimately, you may end up a martyr or in exile,” then they probably would have continued fishing or mending the nets. In order to get them on the journey of their lives, Jesus didn’t need to tell them every stop along the way. Rather, Jesus just needed them to take the first steps.

I didn’t know exactly how God wanted me to serve when I first followed my heart towards ministry. I had a general idea of youth ministry, but I wasn’t sure of specifics. At the time if you would have asked me to serve internationally I would have said that you were crazy. In college, though, I just started getting involved in opportunities to serve. One thing led to another, and these opportunities “primed the pump” of my heart so that when I felt God asking me to take that big step into international ministry it didn’t seem so daunting. I knew with God’s help that I could make it. I didn’t know that I would end up in war zones and relief settings, Eastern Europe or East Africa or Central America.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God, and missions is for everyone, because Jesus’ last words before he ascended were instructions to all of his followers: “Go and tell your family, neighborhood, community, and world that God loves them.”

Missions is for those whose lives have been transformed by God
to tell those who have not experienced God’s love
that God desires to redeem and love and restore Creation to the Shalom – the peace and love and joy – that God intended from the beginning of time.

As Christians we are children of the King – not just any old king, but the King of Creation, the King of the Land and the Sea, the King of the Universe.
As we heard in the children’s address, each of us is a prince or princess in the kingdom. Wherever we go or whatever we do, we represent God and God’s Kingdom.

Seems a tall order, no? Who am I to represent God? Who are we to represent the King of kings when we shy away from speaking about our faith and about why Jesus makes a difference in our lives. Who am I – who are we – to represent Jesus when I/we can’t seem to go an hour – let alone a day – without: messing up; putting our feet in our mouths; wishing our neighbors would move away; acting too rashly or not acting quickly enough; getting mad at our bosses or speaking behind co-workers’ backs… Who am I – who are we – to do missions?
That’s another way where this morning’s Gospel story provides hope. I’m going to assume that some of you have heard about Peter in other places in the Gospels. For those who haven’t heard of ‘foot-in-mouth, rash-action’ Peter, well, he seemed to be the one who always messed up. And yet Jesus chose him as one of the first disciples, and eventually placed him as the disciple in charge of all the others.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God, and it happens because of God’s Grace and Faithfulness.
Early on in my ministry I had an eye-opening experience that has helped me to understand missions, ministry, and life as a Christian. I was in Ireland serving as an Assistant Youth Pastor working with a phenomenal youth pastor. We sat having tea one morning after a weekend of events that seemed like a complete disaster – the program for the youth flopped; the sermon to the congregation never had a chance to crash because it couldn’t even take-off; I felt the responsibility for the youth who left youth club early to get drunk instead. I questioned my call to ministry. I doubted I could be used by God.

Ken, the pastor, looked over his cup of tea at me and said, “God’s kingdom comes because of our greatest successes…” He paused – in reality for about three seconds, yet in my mind long enough for me to say, “Yes, I know. Exactly! And that’s why I could never do ministry.” Ken continued, “and God’s kingdom comes in spite of our worst failures because God’s kingdom coming is dependent upon God.”
And God, in His grace, invites us into ministry. God knows who we are – our potential for greatness and our propensity for failure. God knows everything about us, and God still loves us and invites us to join in the proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom – God’s Holy Work of Healing the World.
Sometimes this means in our home, hometown, or current job, and sometimes it may mean going around town or across the globe. We may never know in advance where the journey will take us, but we can trust the one who leads us on the journey because God is Faithful.

Missions is proclaiming the Good News of the Kingdom of God. Jesus didn’t tell the disciples everywhere they would go, he just asked them to follow one step at a time. And that really is the way of the Kingdom – one step after another trusting God to guide our hearts to speak or remain silent; stay or move; or how to share our resources.

If you don’t feel God guiding your heart somewhere, then start where you are – in your home, work, neighborhood, or school. Write a letter or email to a missionary. Research an afterschool program or homeless ministry in town, or human trafficking issues around the world. Feed the hungry, clothe the naked. Help the poor. Visit the prisoner and those in nursing homes. Take care of the orphans and widows. Each of those could be a starting point on your journey – and once you take a step, and another, and another, then you will be amazed at how God will direct your Journey.

I do not know where God will lead me next. I do not know where God will lead you. Yet I do know that God will be faithful to lead us and to provide for us on our way. And, I know that God will be faithful to guide you – each of you – as you step out in faith to get involved in missions.

Alleluia. Amen.

Slacking off, but not slacking

I realize that our posts have slacked off in the past few weeks, but that does not mean that we have been slacking.

Court diligently works at completing her written work towards full ordination. Only two weeks to go until they are complete... almost there, almost there... Her work on these papers are in addition to her weekly regime of sermon writing, worship leading, Bible study teaching, and preaching.

I have had a lot of scribbles towards blogs, yet none that have developed into promising thoughts. Sometimes I wish the images in my head could download directly into the blog.

I just spent a few days at a conference in North Carolina, and am preparing for a weekend of teaching and preaching in Rochester, NY.

I may post a sermon or two from these past few weeks in the coming days.

Well, that's all for now.

Some Thoughts on "Mission"

A friend asked me to distill - into a sentence or two - why I go or feel compelled to serve around the world. Part of me wants to preface this with about 100 disclaimers, yet I will refrain.

"War, natural disaster, & tragedy - moments of extreme vulnerability - lead to opportunities to demonstrate God's extraordinary presence. On these occasions Christians can participate in God's Holy work of healing the world by BEING the Church - the Body of Christ - an actual, tangible encounter of Christ to those desperately in need of God's love, compassion, grace, and peace."

God's Blessing for You this New Year

I shared these thoughts with some colleagues recently, and I wanted to post them here, too.

The past few weeks I have heard many people say things like “God Bless You” or “Have a blessed New Year” or similar. I confess that I have said this, too… And I would want to pray God’s blessing upon your 2011, yet before I do I would like to share with you some thoughts I had on the Aaronic Blessing (May the Lord bless you and keep you, May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious unto, may the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.)
“May the Lord bless you and keep you…”
Bless you – give you everything that you need (even in exceeding abundance) to love God and to serve God fully.
Keep you – protect you in the way that Psalm 139 portrays: before and behind, above and below, a hand upon you so that you would know God’s presence in any and all situations and circumstances.

“May the Lord make his face to shine upon you…”
Does this phrase carry connotations of “feeling God’s pleasure” like the warming sun? (yet could this not also be said for the ‘countenance’ part later on, too?) I have read this phrase in the Psalms before, yet connected with it in a new way recently when I read “Shine your face upon us that we might be saved.” Psalm 80 uses this phrase multiple times. As I prayed recently and thought of this prayer for deliverance and salvation, the image that came to mind was from The Lord of the Rings – Gandalf returns on the third day to the stronghold overrun with enemies and shafts of light from the rising sun beam out from behind him as he crests the hill swooping down to deliver the people… a powerful image.

“and be gracious unto you…”
May God forgive, be patient, have mercy, be generous towards you. May you experience in God the generous hospitality demonstrated by Abraham to the three strangers and by the father to the prodigal son.

“May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you…”
In times past I have seen this in different ways. At times, the scriptural image comes to mind of God singing over his children with songs of deliverance and songs of delight…songs of God’s love for us. At other times the image I have is of Eric Liddel in Chariots of Fire – “And when I run, I feel God’s pleasure!” It is a picture of God smiling toward us. Wow.
Recently, though, the image I have is that of a King welcoming a subject into his presence. I thought of Esther approaching the king, yet the king needing to lift his scepter in order to approve and welcome her into his throne room. As God’s children we can approach God, and God will allow us to approach. Further imagery comes from Hebrews: “Seeing as we have a great high priest, then let us boldly approach the throne of Grace…”

“and give you peace,” or a better translation “and set upon you shalom.”
When I lived in Israel I studied parts of this prayer in Hebrew, and I feel like I gained a broader picture than most translations offer. The verb translated ‘give’ actually has connotations of ‘set upon’ like when Elijah sets his mantel upon Elisha – a heavy, weighty, impactful, noticeable placement. This is more than a “have a nice day” well wishing. This is a prayer of blessing that asks God to set upon us Holistic Peace that will forever after change the way we live in this world.

So, as you enter into 2011,
May the Lord Bless you and Keep you,
May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you,
May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And set upon you Shalom. Amen!

Salt – Reflections on brokenness, restoration, and this past year

[I journaled most of these thoughts on a plane after a campus ministers’ retreat, called “Refresh ‘10”, in Kansas City the second full week of December.]

“You put salt on our lips that we might thirst for you…” This quote/paraphrase caught my attention last night when the closing speaker, Pete Greig, mentioned it. He attributed it to St. Augustine, and then he added, “and sometimes the salt may come from our own tears. “

But the tears for me haven’t come for some time. Beautiful moments, prayerful moments, enraging moments, surprising moments have happened, and I can tell part of my body want to respond with tears, yet nothing comes. [Heal me, Lord.]

Rewind a few days: The image brought to mind after the conference’s first morning devotion was of water pouring on dry, cracked ground. The water seeped in, yet the ground was so dry that the cracks didn’t go away… A dry and thirsty land. I had this same image of a dry and thirsty land the following morning, too, and of water spilling forth over the cracks, seeping in, providing momentary relief for a land in drought. Maybe Prayer can be these moments of watering – moments of grace for a drought weary soul. [Lord, help me.]

A cup of salt sat on each table as the last session began. We poured some in our hands and put our hands to our lips. Then we prayed…
As I prayed, thoughts – words and images, moving and still – flashed and faded. Each wrestled for prominence although each has valid space in my heart/life right now. I scrawled the words across the page in an attempt to give each image the voice it wanted to have.
SALT…
Causes THIRST

Helps preserve

Brings out and enhances flavor

SHRIVELS slugs

apathy lethargy

… over-sweetened, comfortable lives need some saltiness…

… prevents the car from slipping, yet stains it in the process…

I pictured my heart shrinking and shriveling like the salted slug as I saw the apathetic and lethargic moments of the past year with clarity and shame. It’s not all the time, and it’s not in all things. There are moments of life and energy that spring forth, yet they are quickly absorbed by the dry, cracked soil of my soul – the broken ground of my heart. It may not show on the outside, yet the inside is crying out for refreshment! Yes, healing and restoration began taking place at debriefing in Michigan in March after two painful years of deployment… we miss the people, but we don’t miss the circumstances… yet healing is a PROCESS and it needs to continue.

We know – I know – God called us out and moved us on, yet I still wrestle with why. Was it for preservation of my life / our lives – hearts, souls, minds, and strengths, and for preservation of our marriage, and for preservation of our calls to ministry (rather than burning out, breaking down emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically)? OR did God call us out because I could no longer love well – serve in love, forgive in love, lead in love… ? Was it my failure to love well that caused our departure?

Was it self-preservation – God caring for us as individuals, as children… OR was it Kingdom-preservation – God caring for God’s kingdom and not wanting that defamed any more than it already is?

I feel that somehow it was a combination of both.

The speaker on Thursday night reminded us of John Wesley’s journey – successful in some mission endeavors, yet a failure in others (e.g. Georgia) to the point of questioning vocation. (and I don’t view our time as extreme as Wesley.)

However, God did not give up on him.
And God will not give up on me,
God will not give up on us,
God will not give up on the Church,
God will not give up on the world!

My heart and soul may feel shriveled like a slug…
BUT God can refresh and revive,
God can Restore and Redeem,
God can Resurrect!

The dry cracked ground takes time to restore. Too much rain or irrigation at once will cause a flood as the ground cannot absorb the vast amounts of water. And then it will take time for the flood waters to recede. Too much rain or irrigation trades one calamity for another.

A slow coaxing – a little rain – a slow irrigation will restore the land without a flood disaster.

While my soul wants the downpour, God knows that my souls does not need a flood.

A starving person may want a buffet, yet the stomach needs to start with small amounts slowly.

A dehydrated person guzzling gallons will only wretch it up, yet a slow intake in small amounts will restore.

Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the Universe,
Who restores the dry parched land,
Who fills our cups to overflowing (abundance and enough) not overflooding,
Who says, “Open wide your mouth, and I will fill it.”

Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the Universe,
Who gives Your children every good thing,
Who provides for all of our needs,
Who gives manna each day (rather than 40-years supply of food at once that we have to carry around).

In this next season of journey I need to open myself up to the small ways that God wants to irrigate my soul – to restore my life. It’s strange, when in drought one can become accustomed to scarcity. In fact, so much so that even when conditions change scarcity can remain the heart-set and mindset – scarcity can become the default mode… This results in one turning down moments of filling, refreshing and relief – for even though the ground can handle the downpour, the default mode of scarcity causes fear of flooding… Why trade a calamity with which one can cope for one that presents more unknowns?

Hosanna – Help me, save me. Alleluia.

Thoughts from "a university student who follows Jesus"

I came across this at the conference I just attended in Kansas City, and I wanted to share it with you. We actually saw it in a powerful video form, yet I couldn't find that at midnight last night - I could only find the text from a blog site, so here you go:

from our friends with Campus America:

I am a university student who follows Jesus.

I've been formally trained to think critically.  My view of the world is scarred with cynicism and skeptical interpretation.  Rarely is it acceptable that I feel anything.  If I do, I am encouraged to rationalize it away.

I continually face critical thinkers (like myself) who question the Christian subculture I come from.  I try to imagine a counter-cultural movement like I read about in Acts but I'm stuck in the tread of a divide between the sacred and the secular of this world.

On a regular basis I encounter situations where the name of Christ is being defamed by Christians who have forgotten the centrality of His love.  Where sins are ordered in a hierarchy.  Where people must pray through a checklist before being welcomed into the family.  Where people themselves are sidelined for the sake of the sins that precede them.

I know that the world will change only as I change myself, but everyone else seems focused on themselves. I'm torn between changing individuals and changing institutions.  History class laughs at the meta-narrative that defines my existence.  Science tells me that mystery is my enemy and faith is its poison.  My learning is split into departments.  So goes my religion.

I'm a university student who follows Jesus.

I have wept over abortion and I have grieved the breakdown of the family unit.  I have also wept and grieved over Christianity's fear-filled reaction to both.

In fact, I often feel boxed in by the stigma attached to words like "church" and "Christian." I tend not to speak up for the possibility of being misinterpreted.

I have awkward conversations with strangers who seem to be in need, but sometimes it feels like I do so more out of desire to feel better about myself than out of genuine care.

My prayers collide somewhere between "help me pass this test / help my suicidal classmate / please have mercy on the AIDS epidemic."  I'm never sure what order they should be prayed in.

I try tirelessly to see that my schooling doesn't interfere with my education.  I have skipped a test to be with Jesus and I have skipped time with Jesus to study for a test.  I wonder afterward if I've failed some sort of test with God.

I have known a lot of hope deferred and a few longings fulfilled.  I watch my peers poke holes in any hope without offering any hope in return.  Seems like cheap self-defense, but I find myself doing the same.

I'm constantly dividing between the voices in my head.  Discerning what is conviction, what is accusation, and what is simply empty tradition in my exhausted conscience.  I feel compassion in the depths of my soul, but I have learned to quiet it in order to keep my head above water.

Sometimes I sense that God is leading me to obey Him in an act that seems crazy to me.  With all the voices clamoring for my attention it's hard to tell who's talking, so I've gotten good at just talking it away.

I'm a university student who follows Jesus.

I'm on a technology overload.  Inundated with information that is inapplicable to the vast majority of my life.  I check my Facebook profile 22 times a day with the hopes of a red button notifying me of my importance to someone.  Most times there isn't a response to my status update and my status diminishes a few notches in response.

I've had trouble making new friends because I'm busy keeping up with old acquaintances through a computer monitor.

I like the Word of God but I love the summary form Wikipedia gives me of its contents.  I repeatedly have to remind myself that the Bible isn't another textbook to resell at semester's end at a tenth of my purchase price.

My life has a continual soundtrack provided by wires that connect to my ears and straight-arm the annoyance of other peoples' existence… "other peoples' existence"… sooo annoying.

Silence both scares and bores me tremendously, making it seriously difficult to be still and know much of anything.  The natural world has all but disappeared from my daily activities.  My feet are far more familiar with concrete than grass.  My hands know well the texture of my keyboard and the smoothness of my cell phone, but there is no dirt beneath my tooth-trimmed fingernails.

I speak 17 different dialects of the English language: homegrown simplicity, calculated indie-rock, charismatic Christian, academic hyperbole, post-modern pessimist, etc…

I second-guess what I'm majoring in every second day and I can't fathom holding down one job for more than one year.

I eat food like my body is a temple of convenience.  Making coffee takes too much time out of my incredibly important day so I stand in line for 5 minutes to buy a $5 cup.

I'm a university student who follows Jesus.

I'm somewhere in between child and adult. I've lost the innocence of my youth but I've yet to achieve the wisdom of my age.  The tension feels awkward and emphasizes my temporary existence.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I'm still tremendously reliable on my parents.  They give me money they would never spend on themselves without blinking an eye.  I question if I'll ever be able to do the same for my kids.  My school loans are more than my parents paid for the house I grew up in.

I may not have the cash, but swiping the card doesn't really hurt anyone, and I've got it down to an art.  I will buy a drink when I'm out with my friends.  I'm not sure I actually like the taste of alcohol, but I've learned that if I drink a beer people won't think I'm such a stiff.  There have definitely been times I have had too much.  Both drinks and affection.

I buy new clothes that look old so I can maintain the appearance of "used and uncaring."

I have often laughed and nodded at common knowledge I think I probably should know by now but don't.

The world still appears wide open, sometimes even intimidating.  But more often I anticipate its narrowing and the possibility that I would remain little more than potential.

I'm a university student who follows Jesus.

Returning always to questions of who God is and who I am, usually in the wrong order.  I have friends but I often feel lonely.  I am habitually watching others watch me.  Am I essential to anyone?

I try not to look in the mirror too long when I'm alone, mostly so I can convince myself that I'm not self-obsessive.

I do the things I hate then try not to hate myself for doing them.  I'm trying to figure out who I am while trying to die to myself.

People have thanked me for being authentic when I have openly confessed my weaknesses.  Sometime I just want them to challenge my pride instead.

Everything feels urgent and rushed, and I'm trying to learn how to rest in the midst of the chaos.  To be defined less by the number of things I accomplish in a day and more by the grounding reality that I am unfailingly loved.  Not easy.

Many days it feels I'm just beginning to know God even though we've been getting to know each other for some time.  I tend to think He has reliable tendencies, but I'm never quite completely confident that I know how He will respond.  Some days not knowing makes it exciting; other times it brings disillusionment and I feel embarrassed on His behalf.  As if He needed me to.

I'm trying to make friends with people who don't know Jesus.  Remember, that's why I have a beer, insert a "swear word" from time to time, and reference U2 in conversation.

I remember something of the religious foundations of my college, but question why today religion is at most tolerated on the periphery of my curriculum.  What foundation is all this academia built upon?

I'm a university student who follows Jesus.

I want to love God with my entire mind.  To stand empowered in my intellect without being run over by intellectualism, losing my heart in its stead.

I welcome the challenge of my faith.  I think a healthy argument can be more respectful than offensive.  Seeing people who walk with a limp having wrestled with God makes them a bit more trustworthy to me.  But I dread the possibility of a life with a divided heart.  I crave resolve and I rarely have it.

I'm haunted by the question of tolerance v acceptance.  Absolute v relevant truth.

Perhaps what I fear most is having a form of godliness that has no actual power.

Some days I have glimpses of the changing cultural norm, and it disturbs me deeply.  What kind of world will my kids grow up in?  The thought suddenly cuts off as I realize I missed the last 4 minutes of notes in class.  I'm still trying to grow up in my own world.

I recall a young leader named Joshua who conquered enemy "-ites" to the tune of strength and courage.  His "-ites" are the "-isms" of my modern day.  Worlds of thought and heralded ideas that promote the self and eliminate any life outside of "me."

Be strong, daughter.  Be courageous, son.  No longer will the stories of our fathers suffice.

I am longing for Kingdom come.  Laboring for it to break in now.  Looking for the places it is already established.  Wondering if they all collide in each moment of my every day life.

I am a university student who follows Jesus.