How do I begin? We know that we have not written consistently over the past few months... Something I (Dan) have wanted to do many times, yet when the time comes I stare at the computer screen not sure how to articulate all the thoughts. Sometimes I think I need to recap everything - thoughts, events, emotions, etc. - between entries and that daunts me. Sometimes I get too tangled in words that I know it would just confuse anyone who reads. Sometimes I just come up with too many excuses.
I just need to write. I wrote in my journal the other day - it felt like Spring! For the first time in weeks (if not months) I felt life pouring from the pen. I once heard (can't remember where, and I don't want to get sidetracked looking for the place) that writers need to write everyday - whether they 'produce' anything good or not. It's like exercise. It's like photography - if you only take a photo once in a while you may never develop the habit. It's like... now I'm rambling.
Part of the silence has come from transition with the accompanying unknown, and not sure how to write into that space.
Part of the silence has come from insecurity - what will people think if I write this or that...
A few weeks ago Courtney and I discussed Frederick Buechner and the impact his writing has had upon us and thousands of other people. In light of the fact that memoirs and self-reflection make up a good portion of his work we asked, "How can someone who writes about himself effect so many in a positive way - especially in ultra-egocentric cultures?" I feel inundated by self-centered advertising, sports' stories, media, people on the freeway, people in public places... People looking out for their own backs first. Wait, not only first, but many times solely - never looking to another. Yet in the midst of those stories we find someone who tells his own story and it brings life.
Somewhere in his writings I read that he writes his memoirs because in some way each of our stories is the story of all of us. He writes not to set himself apart, yet to gather those scattered and driven apart together by reminding them that their stories, along with his story, are all a part of a bigger story.
Not that I vainly think this blog will have the same impact... but thoughts worth considering as I embark upon this journey to write more frequently.
I have a ton of thoughts while driving or walking around town... but by the time I get to the computer the words in my head have disappeared - like catching snowflakes in your hand, running inside to show everyone the beautiful pattern only to realize they dissolved along the way.
I probably need to discipline myself to a certain day each week, or certain days each month... but I haven't set anything in stone yet.
However, writings and reflections will come... Lord, help me.